Bram vs Everything He's Ever Wanted
by bluegreen523
Summary: A retelling of Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda as told by Bram. This is based on the book, not the movie- although there are enough similarities to make movie watchers have something to enjoy as well. Bram Greenfeld is a smart and soft-spoken junior at Creekwood High School- oh, and he's gay. Can Bram get out of his head long enough to allow himself to open up to the world?
1. Chapters 1-4

**Chapter 1**

I don't know what makes me hit submit. I have lingered over this message for weeks- It has been typed in word and deleted a hundred times over. I don't honestly know what I'm hoping to get out of this. Maybe, I thought I could get some closure over this entire messed up situation. Because I never asked to be gay. I fought against it for years, but no matter how much I try, I just don't look at girls the same way as I look at guys.

Like, there's this one guy on the soccer team who almost caught me staring at his butt. I've learned to be more careful. This is high school, and no matter how hard I try, I'm not sure I could live down being outed by staring at my teammate's butt. That's the most horrifying way to be outed that I can imagine. So, letting off some of this pressure in the last weeks of summer, I finally drafted the following five lines:

Life is an ocean, and we are all lost at sea

The waves come crashing in around me, and nobody notices

Because they are too busy fighting the waves themselves

And all I want is to swim to a shore where I feel safe;

A place where they wouldn't care that I'm gay

I press submit.

No, Stop, undo, please let me undo this.

Someone is going to know that this is me- that this is how I write.

Oh, God, please- no- let me undo this- or let a series of the most vapid posts follow. Anything.

I focus on my breathing. In and out, in and out, in and out. It's how coach tells us to calm down when we're injured. If ever I have felt injured it is now. It is this moment. In and out, in and out, in and out.

I collapse on my bed. 9pm? It's too early to sleep and I feel like I just ran a marathon. I could puke. I check my laptop. 5 minutes have passed and nothing. Nobody has outed me yet. Oh, gosh, Garrett- he checks the tumblr incessantly. Does he know my writing style? Probably not. I have proofread every single one of his English papers. He's nice and even kind of smart, but his writing is atrocious. He once proofread an essay of mine in class, and he actually accused me of misspelling several words that were completely correct. He's not going to figure it out. In and out.

10 minutes, and the first new post has started to hide what I wish I had never posted. It was anonymous, of course. So much of creeksecrets is anonymous. Some freshman has a crush on some senior- so it goes. Life at Creekwood can continue without the knowledge that Abraham Louis Greenfeld is gay and the peace of sleep comes over me.

 **Chapter 2**

I wake up without an alarm. Did I forget to set one? Have I missed school? But what about my chances at a good college?

It's a Saturday in August- Gah, I can be so distracted.

I try to present to the world like I've got everything so put together- it's just not true. Not the way that I want it to be, anyway.

I check my email- a daily morning ritual. Oh God- no. An email from tumblr. Somebody has posted a reply to my creeksecrets post. In and out. It's fine, it's fine- they're going to know who I am, aren't they? I can see it now: "Bram? That's exactly the kind of thing that you would write! OMG- everyone: Bram is so totally gay" In and out.

My hand is literally and actually shaking as I open the email. I close my eyes. I can't look.

"Well this is productive", I think derisively- eyes still closed, "I make one post and my life is falling apart. Pull yourself together- is this the kind of thing you'll be proud of tomorrow?" In and out. I open my eyes. Here's the comment that had me so worried:

 **THIS**

And my heart is beating so fast, faster than before, this is not what I expected. Is it what I wanted? I pause for a moment. What did I really want? To have someone to talk to, someone to hear my thoughts, right? That's what I wanted. Ugggghhhhh. I don't know what I wanted- I have no idea anymore, except that I need to know more about- whoever this is. Maybe they feel alone in a vast ocean. Maybe they share my secret. Can I even hope that some cute gay guy who I might actually know has seen my tumblr post? What would I even do if that was true?

Heres what I do- I sit down at my desk and begin to type:

From: bluegreen118

To:

August 27 8:45 AM

Subject: THIS

I see you liked my post. Are you lost at sea or have you perhaps found a shore worth swimming to?

Blue

It's simple- so simple- too simple? I can't possibly spend another week drafting out a simple email. I press send, and I vow to spend my day not checking my email continuously. Maybe just every 5 minutes.

 **Chapter 3**

From:

To: blugreen118

August 27 12:37 PM

Subject: re:THIS

Blue,

Hi

I kinda can't believe that you sent me an email. I'm smiling pretty hard right now. Because, you see, I'm gay too.

It was hard to type that, but so freaking good to admit it. I'm gay and I'm so thoroughly closeted that I might have to break down a freaking concrete wall to come out.

But I saw your tumblr post and realized that maybe I'm not completely alone. Are you at Creekwood?

Jacques.

From: bluegreen118

To:

August 27 10:22 PM

Subject: re:THIS

Jacques,

I must admit that I have been curious about you since I saw your comment. Yes, I am at Creekwood: junior, cis male, gay. And Jacques, those are the only clues you are getting from me, lol. No, really, I wonder if maybe we can be secret pen pals. I can tell you my secrets and, if you feel like you can trust me, you can tell me yours.

So you must be at Creekwood too, then?

Blue

From:

To: blugreen118

August 28 1:03 AM

Subject: re:THIS

Blue,

I suppose it seems fair I should give you the same set of clues (although, I admit I had to look up what cis meant). Creekwood, junior, cis male, gay.

I would really like that- to be your pen pal, Blue- to share some of my secrets with you (although you already know my biggest secret, and I suspect that I already know yours). School starts tomorrow. Are you ready? Excited? Dreading every moment? Hoping that the entire freaking class has turned into cute guys?

Jacques.

From: bluegreen118

To:

August 28 8:54 AM

Subject: re:THIS

Jacques,

Oh man, a class full of cute guys? No. My GPA would plummet. It's already hard enough to keep focused on my school work with the guys we currently have. Plus, you might decide to stop being my pen pal if you've got an entire school of cute guys to flirt with at school.

I am as ready as I'll be, and that's enough.

Blue

 **Chapter 4**

I have never been able to sleep well the day before classes start. It's a curse. It's half nervousness, half excitement. I'm almost too nerdy for my own good sometimes. But there's this problem I have at school- everyone around me seems to be extroverted. I have somehow found myself at the intersection of soccer jocks, AP nerds, and the drama club. I love my friends, but I can't keep up with their energy sometimes… or more honestly, ever.

It's a pretty normal year of classes ahead of me. Most of my classes are AP, and if they're not AP, they're honors at least. I like to think that I come across as this smart but soft spoken guy with a sense of humor he's hiding. It certainly seems to have worked for me so far.

I enter Creekwood earlier than usual today. I don't even know why- am I looking for Jacques or trying to avoid him? I have no clue- probably both. He seems to be more outgoing than I am, and a little less calculated. I like that. I like that he's more outspoken than I am. I like that he's talking to me- quirky though I undoubtedly come across in my emails.

"Bram" Garrett says, waving his hand in front of my face. "Hello? Earth to Bram"

"Hey Garrett" I say, returning to reality with a thud.

"I wasn't sure where you were, but certainly not at Creekwood. It's a little early to start daydreaming through school, you know"

I let out a chuckle. Garrett is easily my best friend here. He doesn't miss a thing about me, and I don't miss a thing back. It's nice to have someone I trust completely, well with most things anyway.

Garrett begins a long diatribe about the last trip of his summer break- a trip to see his Great-Aunt Irma. I could practically write the script from all I know about her. Racist, sexist, homophobic, with Fox "news" on all day every day. Garrett is no activist, but he has to force his tongue to stay still when he's at Irma's house. I slip into a familiar pattern of nods and affirmations. I am paying attention, and I do care, but the thought that Jacque will be in this very hallway later today- that he might even be here now- distracts me more than I care to admit.

The fact that, even in honors classes, the teachers think that going through the syllabus is a good use of the first day of class is always such a let down. Sure, the syllabus is important. But if you expect me to read and analyze Walden for you- you should expect me to be able to read a 3 page syllabus in its entirety for content. I let my mind and eyes wander. There are some cute guys in my English class.

Just next to me to my right is Simon Spier. He has this perpetual bed head, that he definitely pulls off. When he smiles, I swear his eyes start to sparkle- which is especially nice because Simon seems to smile a lot. A perfect pair of glasses really brings the whole nerd vibe of Simon together- the way that they frame his entire face makes me a little weak at the knees. He's outgoing and funny, and… oh, crap. He's wearing those jeans today.

Simon Spier looks good wearing just about anything, but he has this one pair of jeans that almost kills me every time. They are just tight enough to accentuate his butt, and I sometimes can't stop myself from staring. I swear, Simon Spier could be the death of me. You know, straight guys should not be allowed to be this good looking. It's simply unfair that a woman, who may never fully appreciate the beauty of Simon Spier's butt, is the person he'll share it with.

So, maybe having today be syllabus reading day isn't so bad after all.

I remind myself that falling for a straight guy is unwise. Window shopping, I'll allow.

Somehow, I make it through the day with no homework, and with nobody realizing that I've been ogling a straight guy all day. The look of Simon in his jeans, though? That's a mental picture I allow myself to think of all evening.


	2. Chapter 5

From: bluegreen118

To: fromhourtohour . notetonote

August 29 8:22 PM

Subject: The Cuteguypocalypse

Jacques,

Well, the end of female kind has not come to Creekwood- yet. Our prediction that they might all be replaced with cute guys must wait a little while longer. Maybe this can be like one of those crazy religious fanatical calculations.

You know how every 6 months it seems like another group has predicted the end of the world's exact date and time. Maybe we can do that with the Cuteguypocalypse- the day that every student at Creekwood is replaced with a cute guy. Your prediction was wrong (fake surprise), so my prediction is a comet that will hit earth at precisely 12:34:56 PM on Tuesday of Homecoming week. It won't end the world, but it will be the promised dawn of cute guys to Creekwood High School.

Mark your calendars

Blue

P.S. You may be thinking- your teachers must not have assigned you any homework. You would be correct

From: fromhourtohour . notetonote

To: bluegreen118

August 29 11:37 PM

Subject: re:The Cuteguypocalypse

Blue,

Calendar set. Homecoming week, huh? Will that be a part of the costume theming of the week? All non-cute guys skip school and invite a cute guy in your place. That's a freaking great idea!

Yep, syllabus day means no homework. I can't say that I spent my evening calculating the future events of the world, but that does seem like a worthy cause.

Jacques.

From: bluegreen118

To: fromhourtohour . notetonote

August 30 7:56 AM

Subject: re:The Cuteguypocalypse

Jacques,

If I'm wrong, and I will be, it will be up to you to create the next calculation… be prepared.

Blue


	3. Chapter 6

It's kind of amazing how much routine is a part of everything that I do. I wake up at the same time every day, have pretty much the same breakfast every day, leave for school within 5 minutes of the same time, have the same classes, only to go home and do homework. So naturally, when something changes in the system it really stands out. The only thing that gives dimension and contrast to my first few weeks of classes are my emails to Jacques.

He has this really cute way of writing with which I am slightly obsessed. He uses the word "freaking" like once per email, which is the kind of thing that sometimes annoys me, but yet it is so endearing when he does it. He tends to send emails later than I am awake. Some nights, I've stayed up a little later than usual hoping to see his newest email. Still, there's something about refreshing my email a hundred times over that just makes me anxious. It really would be nice to have a better way to communicate to Jacques, but how could I possibly do any of that without him realizing who I am? I don't even know if I want to know who he is.

Even though I don't know him, I have this mental image of him forming in my head: I start logically and statistically. Creekwood is about 70% white- fairly typical for a suburban school near Atlanta. I'd like it if Jacques could connect to what it's like to be black in a predominantly white school, so I don't rule it out. There's something about the way he writes that makes me think he's a suburb guy in a typical suburb family- mom, dad, 2.5 kids (possible divorce?). Of course, I know none of this for sure. I'll try to learn more as I read more from him. He's just too freaking cute for my own good.

About a week into school, I am walking into lunch, when I can almost feel a shift in the air. There's this new girl, Abby, who all of my male friends can't stop talking about. A recent transfer from Washington D.C. I hear, and attractive for a girl I guess.

One of the best things about being a quiet person is that sometimes people just forget that I'm listening and talk their guts out. I'm an unfortunately good listener as far as they should be concerned, and smart enough to put the pieces together of what's going on in most of my friend's lives at the time. I don't do it to be creepy, OK it is a little bit creepy, but I can't help that they all seem to spill all their secrets around me. Lunch today is no exception.

It's Simon Spier of all people who Abby is following. He doesn't seem the type to win over the cheerleader-type, but I notice that he's wearing an outfit that I have to force myself to look away from so I don't start staring: a light blue zipper hoodie unzipped revealing a formfitting charcoal grey t-shirt with a pair of khaki shorts that are perhaps a size too small. OK, so I do see what Abby would find attractive in him.

"Hey everyone" Simon says sitting down in his usual spot "This is Abby Suso. I asked her to join us for lunch today- she just moved here this summer"

"Hi Nick, Leah"

Abby seems to know a few people here already. She's so effervescent and bubbly that I can't imagine the entire school doesn't know who she is already- they probably do. She just needs to catch up and learn who they all are. Garrett almost upends the table to stand up in a gesture of chivalry which is simultaneously sweet, stupid, clumsy, and embarrassing. He manages to say his name while blood rushes unforgivingly to his cheeks.

"I'm Bram. It's nice to meet you"

Morgan and Anna are the last to get to the lunch table. They're deep in conversation about some Manga that I've never heard of. They give a nod to Leah and hardly notice that Abby has joined us. Leah has to facilitate an introduction.

"So, you're a junior right?" Garrett asks.

"Yeah, assuming that everything transfers alright" Abby sighs very subtly- it's clear that moving to a new high school is not her ideal situation.

"Cool. I saw you in English class, and assumed" Garret is trying way to hard.

"Mmhmm" There is no mirth in Abby's agreement.

There's an awkward silence that follows.

"Well the program was structured a little differently there" Abby mercifully picks the conversation back up. "The order of science classes and the availability of certain math classes- stupid stuff like that. In some ways, I'm a senior here, in some ways I'm a Sophomore. It all balances out, I guess"

It is obvious in that moment that Abby will fit in perfectly to our little lunch group. Garrett is a bit of a master when it comes to awkward silences. Either he puts his foot in his mouth or he speaks before thinking or something of that sort. It's kind of amazing to watch him at work. I resolve to never tell him this- I don't need to be the completely honest friend- I'm more of the silent supporting kind.

"Simon invited me to join you for lunch, which is really so nice of you. It's so hard to make friends at a new school, so I've resolved to do as much as I can. Let's see- cheerleading tryouts are tomorrow and the school musical auditions are next week. What's the show again, Simon?"

"Oliver, I think? I don't remember for sure. They have auditions really freaking early considering that we don't perform until January, though" Says Simon. Simon has been in every school musical since middle school- and he's never really been anything except for chorus. I haven't heard him sing alone, but he clearly enjoys it enough to do a musical a year.

"Well that just gives us time to get it right- oh, I have really wanted to be in a show, but the theater program took so much time back home, and you couldn't do everything" Abby is starting to ramble a little bit. Some people ramble when they're nervous and trying not to show it. I wonder if this is Abby's M.O. I resolve to keep a closer eye on her.

Abby has hardly had the chance to eat anything by the time the bell rings because she's been a part of the conversation so thoroughly. She quickly finishes her food with surprising grace considering she has abandoned the use of a fork, and we all go to our next classes.


	4. Chapter 7

From: hour to hour . note to note

To: blugreen118

September 08 4:22 PM

Subject: re:Back to School

Blue,

I mean, I guess I agree with you that summer starts to feel a little long by the end, but I'm not sure that I like your solution. It would kind of suck to have a week off every couple of weeks instead of all summer- what about summer jobs and vacations?

So here's my solution (spoiler: it also freaking sucks). What if we had 2 months for summer, a month for Christmas and a month for spring break? That splits it up a bit more, but doesn't really solve the problem of summer jobs.

And speaking of summer jobs- you know how sometimes you see a teacher in the wild? I'm not sure that I can handle that more than 1 extended period per year.

Jacques

From: bluegreen118

To: hour to hour . note to note

Septermber 09 7:45 AM

Subject: Teachers in the Wild

Jacques,

Yeah, so maybe we're both wrong. But there's really no escaping that the school year is really designed around the needs of family farmers. Oh, and also- the school bells- do you know why they have those? To condition us to be ready to work in factory jobs. Yep- we are Pavlov's humans being conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell.

I haven't seen many teachers in their natural habitats, but that would make a funny TV show. An Animal Planet spoof show on HGTV or some channel like that. I'll draft up a proposal.

Blue

From: hour to hour . note to note

To: blugreen118

September 09 3:43 PM

Subject: re:Teachers in the Wild

Blue,

I love it. As soon as you have a proposal, I'll call up all of my high power HGTV connections and will get this going.

Jacques

P.S. I need to go and get some high powered HGTV connections.

P.P.S. Do you think they check twitter or are they too freaking old fashioned for that?

From: bluegreen118

To: hour to hour . note to note

Septermber 09 7:45 AM

Subject: re:Teachers in the Wild

Jacques,

Please send the following letter to your high powered contacts:

To Whom it May Concern,

Proposal for a new HGTV reality show

Creators: Jacques FrereJacques and Blue Grennington Esq. III

Teachers in Wild: Northern Atlanta Suburbs

A charming and charismatic host with a fake Australian accent takes the audience into restaurants, malls, tutoring business, SAT grading rooms, etc. to catch a glimpse of the illusive teacher in the wild- occasional glimpses of them grocery shopping or at Target will be featured as well. The teachers need only awkwardly notice the cameras and walk away with looks of disgust, no interviews will be featured.

Sincerely,

Jacques and Blue

P.S. I didn't know your last name, so I made one up. You may assume whatever you want with the preposterous last name I gave myself.

From: hour to hour . note to note

To: blugreen118

September 10 3:27 PM

Subject: re:Teachers in the Wild

Blue,

I wish I was this clever so early in the morning. You're so freaking funny, you know that? I can't imagine that they won't pick it up immediately (as soon as I figure out how to send it to them).

Jacques


	5. Chapter 8

I am not a sloppy writer. Every English teacher I've ever had has expressed as much. Perhaps this comes from having an English teacher as a father, perhaps I just inherited his genes for English, probably a mix of all of it to be honest. Point being: I have not given any clues to Jacques that I haven't wanted to give.

Bluegreen118 is my biggest hint. I remember crafting the email. I considered several different email usernames to share with him. Some were carefully crafted to send him in any direction but mine, but none of them were lies. They included references to football (my meaning of course being non-American football, but I wouldn't expect Jacques to guess that), references to books studied in other English classes (rosebyanothername, sonofaetreus, and jimcaseyrevivaltour were my favorites- all from books or plays that I've read and loved, but none of them from books that I've read in school). And yet I picked Bluegreen118- Bram Louis Greenfeld, my birthday

So why be so obvious? I'll be honest and say that there are days when I do regret how obvious I was. What if he finds out who I am and doesn't like me? What if he finds out who I am and I don't like him? I'm an amiable guy, but this is high school. No one is completely without frenemies or outright rivals. Somehow, the more I talk with Jacques the less I am worried about us not liking each other in real life and, consequently, the happier I am that I gave him a big clue as to my identity. I probably do want him to figure out who I am eventually, but my hints are rare and subtle.

I recently tried to send him a clue that Green refers to my actual last name when I created the fake name: Blue Grennington Esq. III. Honestly, while I was typing that email, I wrote Greenfeld for a while, sat with it, and looked at it for a solid half-hour before changing it to Greenington, before changing it yet again to Grennington.

Sometimes I wonder if I am too much of a coward for my own good. If I were to have the will power to force myself to be more outgoing… what would people think of me? But then there's still so much to lose. I have a good group of friends and I have so much to be thankful for in my day to day life. Would coming out change all of that? In my heart of hearts, I want to think that Garrett and Nick would be cool with it, but I can't know for sure. Jocks are not famous for being LGBT+ friendly and I can't stand the thought of losing them.

And then there's my mom. She's Episcopalian, and fairly devout- not to the extent of never missing a Sunday- rain or shine or sickness or health kind of devout, but close. Our church is far from waving a rainbow flag next to the door of the sanctuary, but they're liberal enough. I think they might have had a gay funeral back in the 90's, but that's about the extent of this church's acceptance of gay people. We'll send you off to God when you die, but maybe don't feel like you need to stop by more than at Easter or Christmas. At least that's the impression I get, and I'm not eager to be proven right or wrong.

That's why I'm so grateful to have Jacques and why I'm so afraid to lose him. I have taken mental notes as to the traits of a Jacques email for a later date. I desperately want to know who he is and yet, I can't seem to bring myself to find out. I think I have enough information to do it though when I want to. Not today.

Lunch today is the annual attempt by Simon to convince Nick to audition for the school musical. It goes predictably poorly for Simon:

"No, I'm not going to do it Simon, don't even ask" Nick says, sitting down at the table. Simon had only just looked up eagerly when Nick shot him down.

"Oh, come on. You have one of the best voices in the school- you'll get a lead roll for sure"

"I don't want any part in the musical, how would being a bigger roll help the situation at all?"

"But the musical is always so much fun. Give it a try."

All Nick can manage as a reply is an eye roll, but it seems that Simon might have an ace up his sleeve.

"Oh, the musical? That's going to be so much fun. I hope I get in" Abby says sitting down in the vacant seat between me and Simon.

"Tell Nick that he has to audition. He's so talented, right Abby" Simon says, practically begging for an ally.

At the same time, Leah and Abby have an answer for Simon.

Leah: "He's not going to be convinced, stop trying"

Abby: "Oh, you have to. it would be so much fun to know a few more people in the cast"

Leah casts her signature death glare at a blissfully unaware Abby.

"The answer is still no, sorry Abby. Simon- after this many years, I'm no longer sorry to tell you no" Nick says with a smirk at his own joke.

Undaunted by this information, Abby and Simon launch into a conversation about what song they plan to bring and which characters they want to be considered for. It's a little over my head. I'm convinced that each and every hobby has a vernacular- a common language shared among everyone who participates in it. I just don't have enough knowledge of the theater to particularly care what stage left is and why it's different from house left. Except, ok, that one's pretty obvious. The most I know about the theater is from reading plays.

I leave the lunch table early and head to my locker where I'm approached by Nick, who has run ahead to catch up with me.

"Hey, Bram, could I ask a favor?"

"Sure" I may not be as shy around Nick as I am around most other people, but I'm still a little cautious around him.

"Could we switch spots at the lunch table. I know they're hardly assigned, but you usually sit where you sit and by the time I come…"

"Ok, that's fine. I'll sit in your spot tomorrow, or rather my new spot"

It's clear that Nick was nervous about something, and it doesn't take much thought to figure it out: Abby. Much like the rest of the straight male population of Creekwood High School, Nick clearly has an interest in Abby. It's actually kind of cute how nervous he is, and what a shame it is when cute guys are straight. I wonder why he didn't ask Simon. Maybe because Simon is the person who introduced Abby to the group? Who knows what's going on in that mind of his. The only down side is that I already hardly talk, but there's something about Simon in particular that makes me especially tongue tied. I don't know if I've said 20 words to him all year. Awkwardness is almost guaranteed.


	6. Chapter 9

From: bluegreen118

To:

September 15 5:29 PM

Subject: re:That feeling of … NOOO

Jacques,

Oh my goodness, yes. I know that feeling so well. Sometimes I have a paper printed out and ready to hand in only to look down and find a typo. My heart just sinks in that moment. I'm really sorry that you felt like that today. To make you feel better, here's a story:

In 5th grade, I once wrote a paper using only the spelling "thei're" for all uses of there/their/they're. I was confused and I honestly don't know what happened, but here's a sample: "thei're's really no way to know what dolphins think of zoos. Some scientists say that thei're fine with it and others say that thei're not. Thei're's certainly some reason to believe both sides, but until thei're's some consensus among experts, thei're going to continue to argue. Here's something true about dolphins: thei're very cute"

Elementary school Blue has done much worse than make one you're/your mistake- don't stress over it.

I hope this helped,

Blue

From:

To: blugreen118

September 15 11:01 PM

Subject: re:That feeling of … NOOO

Blue,

That is super freaking cute. OK, so maybe using the wrong your/you're once in one paper isn't so bad. I have to say, that with as awesome a writer you are that I'm not sure how even 5th grade you could have made such a silly mistake, but it's still really sweet of you to make me feel better. YOUR the best.

Also, in 5th grade, you were using the word consensus? I find that almost hard to believe, except that I still kinda don't. If you write like you're in college now, you might as well have written like you were in Junior High in 5th Grade, lol.

Also, what do you think about Zoo's now? I'm kinda torn myself- on the one hand, I love seeing animals up close and on the other hand, thei're a little bit like giraffe internment camps.

Jacques

P.S. Sorry, but I couldn't help myself on using "thei're" just once- I hope you don't mind.

From: bluegreen118

To:

September 16 6:52 AM

Subject: Giraffe Interment Camps

Jacques,

Whoa, that's an opinion… I'm in the same boat, I guess. When Zoo's are done well, I think thei're incredible, but when thei're done poorly, I just feel so bad for those poor animals, but… really? A "Giraffe internment camp"? That's a mental image that sticks with you.

Also, 5th grade Blue insists on giving you a virtual wedgie before he forgives you. 11th grade Blue is kinda torn. On the one hand, wedgies are silly and juvenile, but on the other hand… thei're very satisfying to see, and I know a few zookeepers who might agree with 5th grade Blue right about now… I'll send it digitally- please ket me know if it arrives.

run program: digiwedg

recipient:

distributer: bluegreen118

expected upload time: 27 minutes

expected embarrassment level: moderate to advanced depending on the shame of the recipient

5th and 11th grade Blue

From:

To: blugreen118

September 16 3:31 PM

Subject: Digiwedg

Blue,

That's so freaking uncomfortable- how did you pull that off ;P

Your revenge has been received. Are there any hard feelings now?

oops, I meant- are thei're any hard feelings?

5th and 11th Grade Jacques


End file.
